I pray for you all, daily. I pray that I'm making the right decisions by you guys. Pray that I'm instilling the right morals and values in you. I pray that I am explaining enough to you all but not too much. I talk a whole lot. There have been mistakes that your dad and I have made along the way. Being parents isn't easy. It's especially hard when you are so young and you have to learn the ropes, so to speak, as you go along. This road we've traveled together has not been easy for your dad or myself but we've tried our best. I want to say I'm sorry for anything that I've done that didn't meet up to you expectations. It's always been my objective to be your mom first and everything else after. I'm not trying to be your friend right now. As friends we play and the lines of respect often become playfully blurred . I don't ever want to feel disrespected by my children so I don't want to make that path easier for you all. I know Daddy and I are completely different and have totally opposite views when it comes to raising you guys. I'm fine with Daddy being your friend if he's fine with it. That's for you all to deal with so I try to stay out of that. Just know I will never be OK with you cussing at me, disrespecting yourself or others and or doing the wrong things just because you wanted to see how it felt. We are all aware of what is right and what is wrong so it's your job to do the right thing at all times, not just when you feel like it or when someone is looking. God is always watching us and we never get to take back what we've done or said; we only get to try to do better if there is a next time.
I know there are things that we haven't discussed completely with you all and the time will come one day. You dad wants to be sure you are all old enough to understand the gravity of the situation. I believe that you are all so bright and you could understand it right now but it's not my decision to make. So I've decided not to force his truths on any of you. Just know he loves every single one of you and often times we too make mistakes.
I want you all to know that we love you purely and unconditionally. Form the top of your heads to the bottom of your little ugly feet. I get upset with you guys because I am trying so hard to teach you to do what's right and it hurts me to know that on many occasions, you just choose not to. I don't even understand it and I know I say that to one of you probably daily. I seriously don't understand why you'd prefer to be in trouble than to just do the right thing. One day I pray you all can enlighten me. I'm warning you now, life comes full circle so careful what you're doing to us and behind our backs, your children may do the same you.
The rules of our home are here to protect you. From what you ask? From yourselves! From people who mean you no good. From the world; it's a cold, cold world out here. People most times aren't who they say they are. Often times they don't care about you like they say they do. Many times they are just out to use and abuse you. Those types of people come in many shapes and forms. You all have to be careful.
As children it is our job, given to us by God, to prepare you for the world. So that's what we are trying to do. I know I need to learn to not let your actions determine my emotions, but that is difficult. I seriously have a hard time watching my children do the wrong thing, repeatedly. It really bothers me to know you all spend so little time actually listening to me when I'm trying to equip and fill you with everything you will need in this world. Or at least everything I can give you.
If it never sinks in until it's too late I want you all to know that I tried my best. I gave you my all. I did what I could. I pray for you all daily. I pray that God keeps you safe, loved, uplifted, at the head and not the tail; above and not beneath, the lender and not the borrower, I pray so many things for you all. I pray I am able to see you each blossom and develop into the people God intends for you to be. I pray that things like drug abuse and poor choices aren't the downfall of any one of you. It is imperative that we all make the right choices in life. They have a way of following you forever in some instances. Other times they will haunt you until you face and confront them. Some things you decide to do will not be out of malice or ill intent but people will take it that way sometimes. Careful of who you hurt along the way. You never know who you will need one day.
Be respectful of everyone you come in to contact with. Everyone is fighting some type of battle inside, just because they don't share it with you doesn't mean they aren't hurting. Love with the love of Jesus. Love everyone enough to treat them as you want to be treated. Love yourselves. God made you exactly how you were meant to be. So embrace all that you are. You are each beautiful and fearfully and wonderfully made. Love yourselves because until you are able to fully love yourselves you will never attract the love that God has created for you. There is no use in rushing to find love in someone else. That, more often times than not, leads to hurt, heartache and pain. No need to inflict pain upon yourselves life will do that enough. I stress the importance of waiting for marriage because there really is no rush and the bond between husband and wife is one that is meant to be for just you two. Every time you lay with someone you give them a piece of your soul. Don't end up soulless because you had to fit in somewhere you know you don't belong. You don't really get any cool points from sleeping around. The people who really care about you will want you to be safe and save yourself. Babies are meant to be loved and cherished. Don't mess around and make babies before your time. I'm not saying that you won't love your babies but when you don't love the one you made a baby with your baby will suffer just alone by your actions and choices or lack there of.
Be wise my babies because life does not slow down so that you can catch up.
Until next time I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart and that is why I expect so much of each of you. I see in you what you don't yet see in yourselves. All of your greatness, all of your possibilities, all of the things you don't say but wish you could or would. The dreams that are in your heart were placed there by God. Never be afraid to reach and fight for them.
You all can tell me anything. I don't have to be your friend for that because I am your mother. Sharing is caring, I will always be willing to listen. I know I yell at you guys and threaten you lots but I'm outnumbered here and I want to make sure you all never get froggy so I never have to jump. That means if I have to I absolutely will bring you back to you place, but God knows I never want to.
I LOVE YOU MY CHILDREN.
Love Always,
Mommy
aka
Patrice
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