Hi Mommy's Babies,
This may be a tough pill to swallow on many levels but the sooner you embody those words the better off you'll all be. Whatever happened was supposed to happen. Know that no matter how difficult the situation if you got to it you can get through it. You can make it through anything, through everything! You are blessings to your parents. Know that! You are our blessings. No matter the how or the why God clearly decided to bless us with you all. For that we will always be thankful. I couldn't imagine my life without you kids. Even though some days I lay down feeling so defeated because I don't see my efforts to help you all walk in the light that you've been blessed with working in your favor. But I pray for guidance and a covering over you all and I wake up the next day willing to try it again.
Tuesday after school we listened to Dr. Ben Carson the neurosurgeon born & raised in Detroit, MI in 1951 tell his amazing story of how God grace kept & saved him & made him the man he is today. I want nothing more than greatness for your lives so I'm taking a page out of his book. I know you all aren't super excited to be reading a full book a week and writing a book report on it every Friday but one day you will thank me. Of that I am sure. It's not so bad especially since I'm sitting down and reading with you. I hope to foster a love for knowledge within each of you that will turn into so much more.
I see the greatness within you all and I'm excited for you to see it as well. I'm thankful to have children who are in love with themselves the way you all are. Some of you more than others; Reigan & Reidan. Lol. Some of you not as much as I'd like. But I know that you love yourselves. I want you to know that my daily endeavor is to see to it that your love of self grows to its full potential so that you exude love and are able to give it freely with no expectation and no letdown that will bring you down.
We are all human. Each and everyday we fall short of the grace of God in some way, shape or form but we serve a forgiving God. So don't beat yourselves up too badly when you mess up. Apologize and do better next time. The key is to own up to your mistakes and make a conscious effort to be better each day.
I've had my share of ups and down but through it all one person has always been by my side; God. Talk to Him. Read the bible as often as possible. Any questions about life can be answered in the bible. Talk to your parents because we've experienced things so that makes us wiser than you. Talk to your grandparents because they are wiser than we are too.
In life things happen. Many things we wished didn't. Some we enjoy immensely. Others we are indifferent about. But each and everything that happens in our lives is supposed to happen. God doesn't waste any experience. We are supposed to learn from them all. Sometimes lessons are harder to pick up on, other times we ignore what's right in front of us. That's when we end up experiencing the same things repeatedly until we get it. Since we can't change what is we have to work to accept it and move past it. As difficult as it may be.
I want you all to feel free to talk to me about anything, everything. If you don't feel safe doing that let me know so I can change to better suit your needs because I love you all and I want to help you grow in ways in which you haven't even imagined yet. Keep your heads held high, don't let the ways of this world conform you. Be yourself. Stand out babies because your weren't made to fit it. You are royalty. The salt of the earth. You are destined for greatness and ou are great already.
Love You All Always,
Mommy❣❣❣❣❣❣❣
💋💋💋💋💋💋💋
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Everybody Won't Like You Baby
Hi Babies,
Ok so I decided to step out on faith and do something that I had been against in my head for a few good years now. Basketball Wives LA Season 4, the reality TV show. The reasons behind me never even seeing it as an option were mostly because I was in no way, shape or form ready to deal with peoples negativity and opinions. More so because your dad was against it. But also because I was afraid to show my face and be up front and open about certain aspects of my life. People are so quick to judge but not as quick to walk past a mirror and judge themselves.
There is an old saying that goes something like "Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." However it goes the gist of it is when you aren't perfect you shouldn't be quick to judge someone else. Newsflash, nobody walking God's green earth is perfect! We all go through trials in life and many of the experiences we endure aren't directly related to what we've done or who we are. What I've had to learn in life is that we go through things so we can grow through things. I believe that God allows us to go through trials so that we can be prepared for the next stage of our lives.
Here is an example; God knows our beginning and our end. I wholeheartedly believe that I was made for the things I've been through. My mother dying and leaving behind a 4 1/2 year old daughter who became my sister daughter; Brandi, prepared me for being Noah's mom. Did I know this then, absolutely not! I wish I had learned prior to you, Brandi, becoming my child what I learned afterwards. I'd have been able to do better by you. But I didn't and I got another chance to do it right with Noah. Now I will never be perfect but I know without a doubt that you both love me, albeit in different ways.
I tried my best to be all that I could for you B, but I was in need of so much at the time and I was so damaged by our loss. I still miss my mommy daily and I'm sorry for everything that I wasn't. I know I've apologized to you before but I feel like I owe it to you. I wish I had done better by you in so many, many ways. I pray that you are great in life despite all of my many short comings. I can honestly say I gave it a good effort and tried my best to raise you right. I just was too numb to love you the way you should have been loved. I still find myself, to this day, needing to work on my open displays of affection with all of you; it's just not easy for me. Once you passed a certain age it got harder to fix too. I love that we are great friends now, sisters and I still can be the one you call on in your time of need. All I ever wanted was to be there for you and protect you from any and all harm. I just pray that I didn't harm you during the process by being too overprotective or morally sound.
I hate to admit this but there are levels to the reasons why it is hard for me to be overly affectionate with you guys. I'll work them out at another time. Because I know the reasons why I just don't want to burden you with my mess. For today I just want you all to know that I love you deeply and I am working on physically showing you more and more each day just how much. One day you will understand just how much I really do love you all and why I go so hard for what I believe in. I am a very passionate person, very emotional, sometimes to a fault, but I mean well. I am learning to control my emotions more and just love you each on the level you need to be loved on. Now I know that you all know that I love you. I say it everyday. But i want you to feel it to the depths of your souls. each one of you, so there is never a doubt.
Reigan, girl, you are so hard to understand. You seriously hurt my feelings when you play that "Mommy doesn't love me Daddy, card." Because you know that's not true so I wish you wouldn't say it. I love you and that's the reason I correct you when your wrong and the reason I don't allow you to let the devil win. I didn't make you for evil and I refuse to sit back and watch any of you take that path without a fight from me! Dammit if I'm not looking in a mirror at you some days and it scares me! Girl you should be an actress, you play me so well. Other days you are just like your dad! How can you be so hot and so cold all the time? How can you want love but be so unapproachable? I wish you understood the power that you have within you. You are so many great things; a singer, a dancer, a model and an entertainer. There shouldn't be a mean bone in your body. There is no competition. I'll be glad when you realize that! You can catch more bees with honey than you can with venom. Girl they die from the venom. You kill them that way. Feed them honey and they are there as long as you want them to be. Maybe you don't want them there and that's the issue? IDK, but I do know that it's hurtful to see you be so mean to the people God has given to you to love.
Family is so important to your life, you have no idea. Be good to them and everyone as long as you can. Even if they aren't always good to you. That's a message for all of you too! Because people that say they love you will hurt you, sometimes intentionally, other times accidentally. But it will happen for sure. Learn early on to forgive people so that you aren't walking around holding on tot anger and pain and continuing to hurt yourself. Some things we just have to get past and get over. Yes, even the very hurtful, painful stuff. Holding on to pain and not having a forgiving heart is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies from it. That just can't happen. You can't make people see you for you the same way you can't make them be sorry for their actions. But you can be responsible for how you react and for what you allow them to continue to do to you. Some people you will have to let go of and love from a distance. Others will see the error in their ways and work at being and doing better by you. It's just how life is. You all just do your best to not let the ways of this world harden your hearts. Keep and open mind and an open heart, because a closed heart doesn't serve anyone but the devil and we are God's children over here.
Reiganna I know your love tank is filled with physical touch. I think it's so funny to see how much you really need hugs from everyone. Mostly because you need them more than anyone else. But I also appreciate you being able to communicate that openly and honestly with us all. Just be careful. I keep you close because I know you don't see how a hug can be a problem but everyone isn't right in the head. I'd hate to have to kill someone for hurting you over a hug. Please be sure to hug your babies just as much as you can for as long as you live. Continue to hug me too, even when I'm upset and especially when I'm feeling down. You & Noah's hugs are magical.
Noah you are a close second to Nana in the physical touch department. You love to rub up against us and just touch us. You two crack me up. Noah I get tickled every single time you tell me to sit down and calm down and you go to handle a situation for me. Thank you for that. For always trying to be the fixer so I don't get upset. As long as you need the love I hope that we are all available to give it to you. The both of you are so much alike in so many ways, it's a miracle. God knows what He's doing I tell ya!
But both of you are starting to get some openly bad attitudes though and we need to fix that before it gets out of control. Good, nice kids are so much more fun to be around than mean, nasty kids. You were our two nicest children before Reidan got bigger. I just want you all to know that we love, value, appreciate, honor and respect you each for who you are. Our family wouldn't be complete without any of the 7 of you in it. So please don't ever feel like you have to compete for our attention. Be kind at all times to each other and also to yourselves.
Reign you just want to be appreciated and listened to. Dude your silly ways get in the way sometimes. All of you all are a bit off the chain, I blame that on your dad. He's a bit off too. It's no secret, he already knows how I feel. I'm sure you each have a touch of ADHD from him too. Some days I ask myself (when you are all in a room together) what have I gotten myself into?!? LOLIt's no easy task. I'm a low key quiet person. I like my music and my arts and crafts and some good hot tea, lemon water or coffee and I'm good. I don't need much to be good. You all seem to have this insatiable desire to be doing something and moving 24/7, 365. Yo there is no chill in you Curry people. I call you true Curry people because it's in your blood, I just married into the name.
Anyway, Reign I tell you and Eddy III often that you are supposed to be the leaders of the family. You are both the firsts. You have to realize your worth now so that you can stand on it later. You are the ones who set the tone for the others. So set the tone. Do good works. Be good boys who become good men. Be the leaders you were born to be because your siblings are looking up to you. They look to you for guidance. Guide them through the dark places like only you can. Your grades matter, your actions matter, your words matter! Everything you do and are and will become matters to those around you. More so to those who are depending on your leadership roles to be upheld and honored.
Your dad and I talk all the time about how we hope you go to college together and beast out there in sports but also academically. You are some amazing children. You each have some very special talents and gifts wrapped up inside of you just waiting to come out. God made you each for a specific purpose. Let Him lead you so that you are able to lead & help others.
The truth is when I am away from you all for any period of time longer than a few hours I miss you. Right now I'm seriously missing you Brandi and you too Eddy. I love the people you are growing into. Growth is a beautiful thing. Keep rising to the top, give it all you've got! Good news is I've gotten better over the years in the missing you all department. There were times when your dad and I would take trips alone and I'd be on the phone balling my eyes out talking to you all. I didn't start it either. But you'd call me and make me feel so bad for leaving you and not taking you with me. Your dad would be so mad at me. He felt like I was making matters worse by crying with you but I feel this connection to you all that I just can't explain. Even when you are getting on my nerves.
Lately, I've been a little on edge and I'm sorry for that. I'll have to apologize to you all at breakfast since you're sleeping now. But some days are harder than others for me. Some days I feel so outnumbered. I am outnumbered. But some days I just feel like I am not winning at all. It hurts me to my soul when you guys fight. I hate hearing it. Don't like having to referee it. I thought having kids was going to be so fun and easy when I finally wrapped my mind around having kids. My mom & aunts used to joke that I'd never have children because I'd tell everyone I was never having any. I have eaten those words, many times over huh? You do some things you never imagined you'd do, when you're in love. Life has a whole different meaning when you're living it for someone other than yourself, that's for sure.
Reigan, I almost forgot you in this letter. You know I love you, you rub my feet for me at night. We do sit ups together. You sneak my snacks and then brag about it and you still get to do it again. I can't help it, man you bring me some unspeakable joy. You bring it to everyone lucky enough to be around you. You are a gift to call son, brother, grandson, cousin & friend. We are blessed to have you around. Thank you for loving me the way you do. I'm excited to see who you each become in life, how you grow into great kids & adults & the spouses you choose & children you have, I'm letting it be known right now, everything you did to me I am taking out on my grandchildren! Every rule you have for them I'm breaking whenever I want to because you will all pay for the pain you've caused me. I'm going to feed them candy when I want too, let them stay up late when I want to, they can ruin whatever they want in your homes as long as I'm around & I'll protect them from spankings with my life. Oh but you will be paid back in full for all of the things you do until you're adults and out on your own. I'm looking forward to loving my grand babies with an outpour of all that I can give them. I dare you to complain about it too!
Until next time (tomorrow I hope), I'll write to you all later.
Love Always,
Mommy
AKA
Patrice
XOXOXOX
10/29/2015
Ok so I decided to step out on faith and do something that I had been against in my head for a few good years now. Basketball Wives LA Season 4, the reality TV show. The reasons behind me never even seeing it as an option were mostly because I was in no way, shape or form ready to deal with peoples negativity and opinions. More so because your dad was against it. But also because I was afraid to show my face and be up front and open about certain aspects of my life. People are so quick to judge but not as quick to walk past a mirror and judge themselves.
There is an old saying that goes something like "Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." However it goes the gist of it is when you aren't perfect you shouldn't be quick to judge someone else. Newsflash, nobody walking God's green earth is perfect! We all go through trials in life and many of the experiences we endure aren't directly related to what we've done or who we are. What I've had to learn in life is that we go through things so we can grow through things. I believe that God allows us to go through trials so that we can be prepared for the next stage of our lives.
Here is an example; God knows our beginning and our end. I wholeheartedly believe that I was made for the things I've been through. My mother dying and leaving behind a 4 1/2 year old daughter who became my sister daughter; Brandi, prepared me for being Noah's mom. Did I know this then, absolutely not! I wish I had learned prior to you, Brandi, becoming my child what I learned afterwards. I'd have been able to do better by you. But I didn't and I got another chance to do it right with Noah. Now I will never be perfect but I know without a doubt that you both love me, albeit in different ways.
I tried my best to be all that I could for you B, but I was in need of so much at the time and I was so damaged by our loss. I still miss my mommy daily and I'm sorry for everything that I wasn't. I know I've apologized to you before but I feel like I owe it to you. I wish I had done better by you in so many, many ways. I pray that you are great in life despite all of my many short comings. I can honestly say I gave it a good effort and tried my best to raise you right. I just was too numb to love you the way you should have been loved. I still find myself, to this day, needing to work on my open displays of affection with all of you; it's just not easy for me. Once you passed a certain age it got harder to fix too. I love that we are great friends now, sisters and I still can be the one you call on in your time of need. All I ever wanted was to be there for you and protect you from any and all harm. I just pray that I didn't harm you during the process by being too overprotective or morally sound.
I hate to admit this but there are levels to the reasons why it is hard for me to be overly affectionate with you guys. I'll work them out at another time. Because I know the reasons why I just don't want to burden you with my mess. For today I just want you all to know that I love you deeply and I am working on physically showing you more and more each day just how much. One day you will understand just how much I really do love you all and why I go so hard for what I believe in. I am a very passionate person, very emotional, sometimes to a fault, but I mean well. I am learning to control my emotions more and just love you each on the level you need to be loved on. Now I know that you all know that I love you. I say it everyday. But i want you to feel it to the depths of your souls. each one of you, so there is never a doubt.
Reigan, girl, you are so hard to understand. You seriously hurt my feelings when you play that "Mommy doesn't love me Daddy, card." Because you know that's not true so I wish you wouldn't say it. I love you and that's the reason I correct you when your wrong and the reason I don't allow you to let the devil win. I didn't make you for evil and I refuse to sit back and watch any of you take that path without a fight from me! Dammit if I'm not looking in a mirror at you some days and it scares me! Girl you should be an actress, you play me so well. Other days you are just like your dad! How can you be so hot and so cold all the time? How can you want love but be so unapproachable? I wish you understood the power that you have within you. You are so many great things; a singer, a dancer, a model and an entertainer. There shouldn't be a mean bone in your body. There is no competition. I'll be glad when you realize that! You can catch more bees with honey than you can with venom. Girl they die from the venom. You kill them that way. Feed them honey and they are there as long as you want them to be. Maybe you don't want them there and that's the issue? IDK, but I do know that it's hurtful to see you be so mean to the people God has given to you to love.
Family is so important to your life, you have no idea. Be good to them and everyone as long as you can. Even if they aren't always good to you. That's a message for all of you too! Because people that say they love you will hurt you, sometimes intentionally, other times accidentally. But it will happen for sure. Learn early on to forgive people so that you aren't walking around holding on tot anger and pain and continuing to hurt yourself. Some things we just have to get past and get over. Yes, even the very hurtful, painful stuff. Holding on to pain and not having a forgiving heart is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies from it. That just can't happen. You can't make people see you for you the same way you can't make them be sorry for their actions. But you can be responsible for how you react and for what you allow them to continue to do to you. Some people you will have to let go of and love from a distance. Others will see the error in their ways and work at being and doing better by you. It's just how life is. You all just do your best to not let the ways of this world harden your hearts. Keep and open mind and an open heart, because a closed heart doesn't serve anyone but the devil and we are God's children over here.
Reiganna I know your love tank is filled with physical touch. I think it's so funny to see how much you really need hugs from everyone. Mostly because you need them more than anyone else. But I also appreciate you being able to communicate that openly and honestly with us all. Just be careful. I keep you close because I know you don't see how a hug can be a problem but everyone isn't right in the head. I'd hate to have to kill someone for hurting you over a hug. Please be sure to hug your babies just as much as you can for as long as you live. Continue to hug me too, even when I'm upset and especially when I'm feeling down. You & Noah's hugs are magical.
Noah you are a close second to Nana in the physical touch department. You love to rub up against us and just touch us. You two crack me up. Noah I get tickled every single time you tell me to sit down and calm down and you go to handle a situation for me. Thank you for that. For always trying to be the fixer so I don't get upset. As long as you need the love I hope that we are all available to give it to you. The both of you are so much alike in so many ways, it's a miracle. God knows what He's doing I tell ya!
But both of you are starting to get some openly bad attitudes though and we need to fix that before it gets out of control. Good, nice kids are so much more fun to be around than mean, nasty kids. You were our two nicest children before Reidan got bigger. I just want you all to know that we love, value, appreciate, honor and respect you each for who you are. Our family wouldn't be complete without any of the 7 of you in it. So please don't ever feel like you have to compete for our attention. Be kind at all times to each other and also to yourselves.
Reign you just want to be appreciated and listened to. Dude your silly ways get in the way sometimes. All of you all are a bit off the chain, I blame that on your dad. He's a bit off too. It's no secret, he already knows how I feel. I'm sure you each have a touch of ADHD from him too. Some days I ask myself (when you are all in a room together) what have I gotten myself into?!? LOLIt's no easy task. I'm a low key quiet person. I like my music and my arts and crafts and some good hot tea, lemon water or coffee and I'm good. I don't need much to be good. You all seem to have this insatiable desire to be doing something and moving 24/7, 365. Yo there is no chill in you Curry people. I call you true Curry people because it's in your blood, I just married into the name.
Anyway, Reign I tell you and Eddy III often that you are supposed to be the leaders of the family. You are both the firsts. You have to realize your worth now so that you can stand on it later. You are the ones who set the tone for the others. So set the tone. Do good works. Be good boys who become good men. Be the leaders you were born to be because your siblings are looking up to you. They look to you for guidance. Guide them through the dark places like only you can. Your grades matter, your actions matter, your words matter! Everything you do and are and will become matters to those around you. More so to those who are depending on your leadership roles to be upheld and honored.
Your dad and I talk all the time about how we hope you go to college together and beast out there in sports but also academically. You are some amazing children. You each have some very special talents and gifts wrapped up inside of you just waiting to come out. God made you each for a specific purpose. Let Him lead you so that you are able to lead & help others.
The truth is when I am away from you all for any period of time longer than a few hours I miss you. Right now I'm seriously missing you Brandi and you too Eddy. I love the people you are growing into. Growth is a beautiful thing. Keep rising to the top, give it all you've got! Good news is I've gotten better over the years in the missing you all department. There were times when your dad and I would take trips alone and I'd be on the phone balling my eyes out talking to you all. I didn't start it either. But you'd call me and make me feel so bad for leaving you and not taking you with me. Your dad would be so mad at me. He felt like I was making matters worse by crying with you but I feel this connection to you all that I just can't explain. Even when you are getting on my nerves.
Lately, I've been a little on edge and I'm sorry for that. I'll have to apologize to you all at breakfast since you're sleeping now. But some days are harder than others for me. Some days I feel so outnumbered. I am outnumbered. But some days I just feel like I am not winning at all. It hurts me to my soul when you guys fight. I hate hearing it. Don't like having to referee it. I thought having kids was going to be so fun and easy when I finally wrapped my mind around having kids. My mom & aunts used to joke that I'd never have children because I'd tell everyone I was never having any. I have eaten those words, many times over huh? You do some things you never imagined you'd do, when you're in love. Life has a whole different meaning when you're living it for someone other than yourself, that's for sure.
Reigan, I almost forgot you in this letter. You know I love you, you rub my feet for me at night. We do sit ups together. You sneak my snacks and then brag about it and you still get to do it again. I can't help it, man you bring me some unspeakable joy. You bring it to everyone lucky enough to be around you. You are a gift to call son, brother, grandson, cousin & friend. We are blessed to have you around. Thank you for loving me the way you do. I'm excited to see who you each become in life, how you grow into great kids & adults & the spouses you choose & children you have, I'm letting it be known right now, everything you did to me I am taking out on my grandchildren! Every rule you have for them I'm breaking whenever I want to because you will all pay for the pain you've caused me. I'm going to feed them candy when I want too, let them stay up late when I want to, they can ruin whatever they want in your homes as long as I'm around & I'll protect them from spankings with my life. Oh but you will be paid back in full for all of the things you do until you're adults and out on your own. I'm looking forward to loving my grand babies with an outpour of all that I can give them. I dare you to complain about it too!
Until next time (tomorrow I hope), I'll write to you all later.
Love Always,
Mommy
AKA
Patrice
XOXOXOX
10/29/2015
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Art is love
Hi Guys,
So you know mommy loves to create. I just want you to share with you these pieces of art I've created in 2015. I find a great deal of calm and peace while I'm painting. Hopefully you guys as you grow will learn what makes your spirits feel good and refreshed and walk in that light. I'm attaching them all here so that if I sell each one of them you will have these images to remember me by. They all incorporate God in one way or more. The Belize piece is probably my favorite one. I made that as a dedication to my mom and the country my parents are from. I hope you enjoy them and one day your children are able to do the same. Tell them their grandma made them straight from her heart.
Love Always,
Mommy
 |
| Favor Ain't Fair (Reidan did the background) |
 |
| Incomplete (Reigan did the background, I haven't finished this on yet.) |
 |
| Open & Shut |
 |
| Eyes are the Window to the Soul |
 |
| Reflection (Moroccan themed) |
 |
| Motherland |
 |
| At the Waterfall |
 |
| At the Waterfall |
 |
| Queen & King Love |
 |
| Birds of a Feather |
 |
| Commitment |
 |
| Fruit Tree |
 |
| Chaos |
 |
| 1 Love, 1 Heart |
 |
| He Loves Me |
 |
| Home |
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Moving On To Bigger and Better Things Together
Hi My Loves,
"Oh I can't sit down...Got to keep a rolling like the rolling of the sun. Today I am happy and free. Nothing in the world is troubling me. Oh I'm on my way." (I just heard Ernestine Shepard, a 77 year old bodybuilder, sing this song during her early morning workout in a video. She is an inspiration in and of herself. Look her up.)
You babies know that I love you all. I really do. Even if I didn't birth you (Brandi, Eddy & Noah) I still love you as the lights of the world that you are. WE've all come a very long way.
I now know what I can do and I want to make sure you know what you can do too! You all should use the light that is within you to bless others and share some of your shine with them. Be blessings to everyone you come into contact with. Even if it's just that you smile at them. Make sure everyone feels your beautiful spirit just from standing in your presence. Help all you can and if you aren't appreciated learn form the experience but don't let that harden your heart. Age ain't nothing but a number. You can start today. Be happy. You woke up today. The sun is probably shining, the birds are chirping, you have air to breathe, you can do whatever it is that you'd like to do.
Go after your dreams. Push through all of your fears and watch how you become blessed just from being yourself and standing tall within that. You do what makes you happy. Wear what you are comfortable in even if no one else likes it. You look at YOU in the mirror not your haters, not anyone but you. Make sure that you too see the God within yourselves. Respect yourselves and each other and everyone around you. You are all capable of so much and God willing I will be around to witness it all. I listen to you talk about your hopes and dreams and I try to encourage you to attain and pass them all. You can do it, you better know that already. If God showed it to you then it's for you!
You kids can sing, you can rap, you can dance, you are athletic, you are funny, intelligent, beautiful and all of these things and more come without much effort at all. Because you were born with these amazing natural abilities but you better know you were born with them for good reasons. God gives us just what we need to succeed in life. Everything you need is well within you. Take those passions that burn inside of you and let them free, walk in your own light babies. You deserve nothing but greatness. So don't be afraid to achieve all you dream of and more.
If nothing else I pray that I am equipping you with every mental push you need, every moral compass you should have and all of the encouragement you can take. I may not always have the best delivery methods, and I still get frustrated when I'm trying to help you all achieve something you said you wanted, before you realized the amount of work it would take. However, I love y'all so I am just working to make sure my mistakes don't become any of yours.
Just so we are clear I am not saying any of you were mistakes. Me meeting you father and falling in love with him was no mistake either. God knows exactly what HE is doing. WE just didn't know what we were doing. When you start dating (in college as virgins) please always keep in the forefront of your minds that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't allow anyone to make you feel different. You were created for a purpose, no matter the circumstances and you are deeply loved by many especially me.
Brandi is gone to San Diego with Aunt Therese this week, Eddy 3 went back home last week, Noah will be in Chicago for 2 more weeks. Oh Auntie Nicole will be in Chicago for about 3 more weeks, maybe more. It's just daddy, mommy and the 4 R's right now. I have caught myself looking around at the 6 of us together ad I have to say even though it's more quiet, there are a few less fights lol, I miss you guys. I really do. I don't like to bother you when you're gone so I have tried my best not to. But I miss you. I pray that you are safe in your absence, you make it back to us safe and that we carryon without any issues. I want nothing more than to see each and every one of you use your God given abilities to surprise and gift the world.
I'm over here working on breaking generational curses. What that means is I'm working to make sure that you all don't repeat the bad habits of your parents by teaching you the things that we didn't know when they could have benefitted us tremendously to have had more knowledge. So my long talks to you all are meant teach you, to equip you for your futures and sometimes scare you straight.
Please know that everything I am doing right now, and everything I have done in the past, has been and is for you all. I've come too far to turn back now. I wish I had started sooner and since I didn't, I want to make sure that the same things that were holding me back aren't also standing in your way. So stand tall and be proud in ALL of who you are, ADHD, tall, brown, short hair, long hair, hearing loss, big eyes, little eye, whatever you are, you are for good reasons. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. Don't allow anyone to make you feel bad about who you are. There ain't no one like you, only one YOU! Be proud of that. You are beautifully, fearfully and wonderfully made.
I know all too well what it is like to lack confidence in yourself and as a result watch your dreams pass you by. It took me years to accept me for me, to really know what love is and love myself completely. I love myself and I don't make any apologies to anyone for being who I am today. So what if they don't like it. I don't care if they don't accept me. It doesn't matter if they talk about me. Internalize this; if they aren't helping you be a better person, helping you pay your bills, or helping you help someone else; don't sweat that mess. There is a whole lot of evil in the world do whatever you can to stay away from it and all the negativity. Take the high road, keep your heads high, smile and enjoy your days because we know with certainty that they are all numbered.
I know all too well what it is like to lack confidence in yourself and as a result watch your dreams pass you by. It took me years to accept me for me, to really know what love is and love myself completely. I love myself and I don't make any apologies to anyone for being who I am today. So what if they don't like it. I don't care if they don't accept me. It doesn't matter if they talk about me. Internalize this; if they aren't helping you be a better person, helping you pay your bills, or helping you help someone else; don't sweat that mess. There is a whole lot of evil in the world do whatever you can to stay away from it and all the negativity. Take the high road, keep your heads high, smile and enjoy your days because we know with certainty that they are all numbered.
Love Always,
Mommy
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Hey Homies,
LOL.
Fourth of July festivities are over and we are back home. We went to the local beach and enjoyed some beautiful fireworks, a little football and each other. It is chilly here in So Cal. 65 is not what we are used to for a summer temp in Chicago but it was a beautiful nonetheless. Sasha joined us at the beach. We were missing you Noah but I'm sure you were having a good time.
I was sitting there enjoying the fireworks and you guys. I was watching you enjoy the fireworks. Y'all are crazy lol; shooting the fireworks with your fingers and all. Nana you crack me up acting like on of the boys sometimes. I'm glad you all had a good time. Thank God daddy found Reigan's iPod huh E3? That was nuts. Playing football in the dark with an iPod in your pocket and then dropping it and digging thru the sand is rough.
Anyway, I started this letter today because I was sitting and thinking about my legacy that I'm going to leave for you all. What do I want the world to remember me for? What do you all what to be remembered for? On he way home tonight Reign you told Brandi and I that you were going to be a pro football player, a rapper and then a pastor. I thin it's dope that you see so many great things within yourself. I want you to know that I believe in you. I think you can be all of those things and more. I am sure you all are fully capable of being whatever you'd like to be in life.
So what will I be remembered for? If it is God's will it will be for my arts. My writing, paintings, designs but more importantly for my love. I do some behind closed doors talking to anyone who reaches out to me for advice on marriage, children and loss. I'm by far no expert in any of the fields but I think that my experiences have allowed people to want to know how I still manage to smile despite all of the pain. It's nothing but God that keeps me going. A few years ago I started going to church regularly again and really emerging myself in the bible and God's word. I found that every problem I have is answered in the bible in some way, shape or form. So I turn to God.
You dad is super positive way more than I am. Whenever I'm feeling down or defeated he is there to lift me up and remind me of all of my many blessings and all of the greatness that lies within me. I spend so much time being available to others that I don't have many people to turn to for myself. But that's ok. I find it hard to truly trust in people. I've been burnt by fakes so many times. If I can tell you one thing today it is to be careful of who you decide to call your friend. Everybody that says they care about you doesn't. Some of them are hoping you fail. Others are hoping you do alright just not better than them. Believe it or not some of the ones who tell you they love you won't even part their lips to support you or your efforts. Wish them all well anyway. God got you so they don't have to. But you all be careful please. Be safe. Lead with love but don't be a fool for anyone or anything. I've lost almost all of my friends over the years mostly because I realized at some point who was real and who wasn't. Either way I still want to see each and every one of them succeed and blossom into greatness. I believe that's what God wants me to feel for everyone.
I want you girls to know that life for you may appear to be a competition among other girls but you better know it's not. You are already great and you don't ever have to prove that to anyone but yourself and God. Anyone who doesn't see your light upon meeting you isn't right for you. My mother used to tell me she didn't like certain people and she would say "Stay away from them baby they don't mean you any good." I'd be so confused because she didn't know them how could she say that? But she was always right. So be sure to come around with your friends so your dad and I can know them and feel them out. We only want you all to be happy and great. The people you hang around are who you become. Don't ever let someone else bring you down. Your friends should be good people just like you.
Life is too short for you to live it trying to please people who don't even car about you. Work to be pleasing to God. Be good. Do good. Lead with love and forgive everyone. Now forgiveness doesn't mean let them keep walking over you it just means release whatever the pain is so you can grow through everything. Don't allow anyone to have you walking around hurting because they didn't treat you like you deserved. Don't put too much expectation onto others. Everyone is human and as humans we are all going to make mistakes and hurt each other sometimes it won't even be on purpose. Just be careful and keep and open mind and learn from everything.
Keep pushing. Keep smiling.
Pray about everything. Give all of your worries to God and keep fighting to be better every single day. Know that even if you mess up today you can try again tomorrow if you're blessed to see another day.
I fall short of God's grace everyday but I get up the next day and I try it again. Never give up!
I love you guys forever & always,
Mommy
7/5/15 1am
LOL.
Fourth of July festivities are over and we are back home. We went to the local beach and enjoyed some beautiful fireworks, a little football and each other. It is chilly here in So Cal. 65 is not what we are used to for a summer temp in Chicago but it was a beautiful nonetheless. Sasha joined us at the beach. We were missing you Noah but I'm sure you were having a good time.
I was sitting there enjoying the fireworks and you guys. I was watching you enjoy the fireworks. Y'all are crazy lol; shooting the fireworks with your fingers and all. Nana you crack me up acting like on of the boys sometimes. I'm glad you all had a good time. Thank God daddy found Reigan's iPod huh E3? That was nuts. Playing football in the dark with an iPod in your pocket and then dropping it and digging thru the sand is rough.
Anyway, I started this letter today because I was sitting and thinking about my legacy that I'm going to leave for you all. What do I want the world to remember me for? What do you all what to be remembered for? On he way home tonight Reign you told Brandi and I that you were going to be a pro football player, a rapper and then a pastor. I thin it's dope that you see so many great things within yourself. I want you to know that I believe in you. I think you can be all of those things and more. I am sure you all are fully capable of being whatever you'd like to be in life.
So what will I be remembered for? If it is God's will it will be for my arts. My writing, paintings, designs but more importantly for my love. I do some behind closed doors talking to anyone who reaches out to me for advice on marriage, children and loss. I'm by far no expert in any of the fields but I think that my experiences have allowed people to want to know how I still manage to smile despite all of the pain. It's nothing but God that keeps me going. A few years ago I started going to church regularly again and really emerging myself in the bible and God's word. I found that every problem I have is answered in the bible in some way, shape or form. So I turn to God.
You dad is super positive way more than I am. Whenever I'm feeling down or defeated he is there to lift me up and remind me of all of my many blessings and all of the greatness that lies within me. I spend so much time being available to others that I don't have many people to turn to for myself. But that's ok. I find it hard to truly trust in people. I've been burnt by fakes so many times. If I can tell you one thing today it is to be careful of who you decide to call your friend. Everybody that says they care about you doesn't. Some of them are hoping you fail. Others are hoping you do alright just not better than them. Believe it or not some of the ones who tell you they love you won't even part their lips to support you or your efforts. Wish them all well anyway. God got you so they don't have to. But you all be careful please. Be safe. Lead with love but don't be a fool for anyone or anything. I've lost almost all of my friends over the years mostly because I realized at some point who was real and who wasn't. Either way I still want to see each and every one of them succeed and blossom into greatness. I believe that's what God wants me to feel for everyone.
I want you girls to know that life for you may appear to be a competition among other girls but you better know it's not. You are already great and you don't ever have to prove that to anyone but yourself and God. Anyone who doesn't see your light upon meeting you isn't right for you. My mother used to tell me she didn't like certain people and she would say "Stay away from them baby they don't mean you any good." I'd be so confused because she didn't know them how could she say that? But she was always right. So be sure to come around with your friends so your dad and I can know them and feel them out. We only want you all to be happy and great. The people you hang around are who you become. Don't ever let someone else bring you down. Your friends should be good people just like you.
Life is too short for you to live it trying to please people who don't even car about you. Work to be pleasing to God. Be good. Do good. Lead with love and forgive everyone. Now forgiveness doesn't mean let them keep walking over you it just means release whatever the pain is so you can grow through everything. Don't allow anyone to have you walking around hurting because they didn't treat you like you deserved. Don't put too much expectation onto others. Everyone is human and as humans we are all going to make mistakes and hurt each other sometimes it won't even be on purpose. Just be careful and keep and open mind and learn from everything.
Keep pushing. Keep smiling.
Pray about everything. Give all of your worries to God and keep fighting to be better every single day. Know that even if you mess up today you can try again tomorrow if you're blessed to see another day.
I fall short of God's grace everyday but I get up the next day and I try it again. Never give up!
I love you guys forever & always,
Mommy
7/5/15 1am
Hi My Babies,
(Your dad gets mad when I say "MY" because you aren't just mine, but that's what I like to say.)
Today I just want to tell you all that I love you. If I should leave this earth too soon I want to be sure you know that. Even when I'm upset with you, when I am disappointed in your actions, I still love you to life. I am not perfect so I don't expect you to be. What I do expect is that you try your best every single day. You are all so amazing, talented and beautiful. Don't ever forget that. In life people will try to discredit you, they will make attempts at hurting you and they will try to beat you in whatever way they can. You have to know that everything that God has for you is for you! So don't spend too much time sweating the small stuff because in the end it doesn't really matter.
Wake up everyday and realize it is yet another gift. Enjoy life. Live out loud, smile, be happy, make others happy and lead with love. Love is the key to everything in this world. If there were more love then there'd be less hate. Don't allow people to treat you like you don't matter but know the difference between someone who is trying to help you and those who are trying to hurt you. Everyone is not bad and it won't always be easy deciphering between those who truly care and those who are on;y there for their own agenda. But when you lead with love, keep God at the front of your life, respect yourself and others no matter what happens in an instant; you will always win, even when you lose.
Don't ever give up. I could have given up so many times. So many of us could have. Life is not easy for anyone. For some of us life is harder than it is for others, but keep pushing, keep praying, keep fighting, always. Hopefully, these letters won't be needed for many years to come but since we never know when life ends I'm writing as often as I can so that you know my love for you even after I'm gone. This is not to say that I do not know my mothers love, even in her absence, but I wish I had more of her to hold on to. I wish I had asked so many questions that I cannot ask her today. Some o them I was too afraid to ask her when she was still alive. I know there is a fine line between wanting to know and not wanting to know all too well. So my letters are to give you my love and let them remain apart of you on these pages.
Listen to your hearts. Follow your dreams. Don't walk in fear, when God is with you you should not fear. Don't waste your time worrying about things you can not control or change. Happiness can be found anywhere and everywhere. Read whenever you can. Reading really does expand your mind. There are books that I've read that I wish I had read sooner. I would have been smarter, wiser and better off. I'm reading The Alchemist right now. It is a good book that tells the reader to follow their hearts and dreams. I read a book after my mom died, can't even remember the title now and I had no idea when I picked it up that it was about a woman's struggle with HIV. I earned so much from reading that book that I wished I had known prior to her death. Many books are eye openers so read and find what peeks your interest and minds. Grow.
Everyday you should be working to grow and be better than the day before. Life is about growth and progress. When you let God be your guide there is nothing you cannot do, nothing will be too hard for you and all things will work out just as they are supposed to. I try to keep you all in church so that you learn earlier than I did the importance of having a good solid relationship with God. I went to church growing up but I wasn't listening or learning much. I was just being a good person. There is more to life than just being good, we re supposed to help others. So as often as you can help those that you can. Help them by showing them love.
Your dad had a beautiful heart when I met him, I fell in love with that part of him. He was always willing to help anyone he could, even if he couldn't and he is still that way today. Be wise in all things and know that all that we do we do for you all.
God willing (my mom used to say that to me all the time, Ma still says it) I will be back tomorrow or very soon with another letter for you guys.
I LVOE YOU ALL Brandi, Eddy, Reign, Reigan, Noah, Reiganna and Reidan.
(Your dad gets mad when I say "MY" because you aren't just mine, but that's what I like to say.)
Today I just want to tell you all that I love you. If I should leave this earth too soon I want to be sure you know that. Even when I'm upset with you, when I am disappointed in your actions, I still love you to life. I am not perfect so I don't expect you to be. What I do expect is that you try your best every single day. You are all so amazing, talented and beautiful. Don't ever forget that. In life people will try to discredit you, they will make attempts at hurting you and they will try to beat you in whatever way they can. You have to know that everything that God has for you is for you! So don't spend too much time sweating the small stuff because in the end it doesn't really matter.
Wake up everyday and realize it is yet another gift. Enjoy life. Live out loud, smile, be happy, make others happy and lead with love. Love is the key to everything in this world. If there were more love then there'd be less hate. Don't allow people to treat you like you don't matter but know the difference between someone who is trying to help you and those who are trying to hurt you. Everyone is not bad and it won't always be easy deciphering between those who truly care and those who are on;y there for their own agenda. But when you lead with love, keep God at the front of your life, respect yourself and others no matter what happens in an instant; you will always win, even when you lose.
Don't ever give up. I could have given up so many times. So many of us could have. Life is not easy for anyone. For some of us life is harder than it is for others, but keep pushing, keep praying, keep fighting, always. Hopefully, these letters won't be needed for many years to come but since we never know when life ends I'm writing as often as I can so that you know my love for you even after I'm gone. This is not to say that I do not know my mothers love, even in her absence, but I wish I had more of her to hold on to. I wish I had asked so many questions that I cannot ask her today. Some o them I was too afraid to ask her when she was still alive. I know there is a fine line between wanting to know and not wanting to know all too well. So my letters are to give you my love and let them remain apart of you on these pages.
Listen to your hearts. Follow your dreams. Don't walk in fear, when God is with you you should not fear. Don't waste your time worrying about things you can not control or change. Happiness can be found anywhere and everywhere. Read whenever you can. Reading really does expand your mind. There are books that I've read that I wish I had read sooner. I would have been smarter, wiser and better off. I'm reading The Alchemist right now. It is a good book that tells the reader to follow their hearts and dreams. I read a book after my mom died, can't even remember the title now and I had no idea when I picked it up that it was about a woman's struggle with HIV. I earned so much from reading that book that I wished I had known prior to her death. Many books are eye openers so read and find what peeks your interest and minds. Grow.
Everyday you should be working to grow and be better than the day before. Life is about growth and progress. When you let God be your guide there is nothing you cannot do, nothing will be too hard for you and all things will work out just as they are supposed to. I try to keep you all in church so that you learn earlier than I did the importance of having a good solid relationship with God. I went to church growing up but I wasn't listening or learning much. I was just being a good person. There is more to life than just being good, we re supposed to help others. So as often as you can help those that you can. Help them by showing them love.
Your dad had a beautiful heart when I met him, I fell in love with that part of him. He was always willing to help anyone he could, even if he couldn't and he is still that way today. Be wise in all things and know that all that we do we do for you all.
God willing (my mom used to say that to me all the time, Ma still says it) I will be back tomorrow or very soon with another letter for you guys.
I LVOE YOU ALL Brandi, Eddy, Reign, Reigan, Noah, Reiganna and Reidan.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)