Hi Kids,

I have to make sure that you all know this within the depths of your souls; 
                                       YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!!!!

Those 3 words seem so minimal but they are really so very monumental, so empowering and I want you each to internalize them.  You are enough for everything, everyone and everywhere.  

You dad and I are working hard to shield you from all of the troubles of the world but we know that one day your lives too will be exposed to some harsh realities, some of us already know this too well.  For now I want to make sure that you each know that no matter what it is YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU HAVE ENOUGH, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ENOUGH.

Growing up I had to deal with some things that I'd never wish on anyone.  It took me many years to realize that I was not of this world but rather in it.  What that means to me is I had to come to learn that no matter what was thrown my way I was and still am supremely blessed.  I had to begin to encourage myself because I had become some discouraged by the ways of the world and all of my negative experiences. Instead of growing through things I was holding on to the pain, hurt and disappointment.  When I got pregnant with you Reign things began to change within me.  I got closer to God because I didn't know what else to do.  Your dad and I planned my pregnancy but when you became a reality I was so worried about everything.  I even thought about having an abortion, as hard as it is to admit.  But your dad was 100% against me doing that.  I think you saved my life Reign.  You helped me really learn what true unconditional love was.  You gave me purpose, my life a deeper meaning.  I always knew my parents loved me but I never really walked around feeling true unconditional love until I met you.  I was so broken when I met your dad.  One of my cousins talked me into dating him I only wanted to be his friend and help him navigate thru the world he was just thrown into when we met.  But he had other plans.  I'm thankful for meeting your father.  He's helped me see so many things in life, experience so many different things too.  I love him even when he gets on my nerves.  At another time I will go into the depths of you father and I , for now I will say that no matter what happened or happens between us I will always be thankful for the gifts of life and love that he gave me.  Without him there would be none of you.

One of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life was burying my mom who died July 23, 2001.  Brandi you were just 4 1/2 and I was 22, had just graduated college the end of May or June.  I carried around so many regrets after she died, so damn many regrets.  I was not ready to live this life without my mom and ironically enough I had been praying for God to take her out of her misery and just let her be at peace in Heaven.  I hated seeing her suffering.  Man if I can tell you guys anything it is to be careful of what you ask for because you just might get it.  I should have been praying for her healing and longevity but you live and you learn.  Now I know.

Brandi it has not been an easy transition for us.  I've always been distant and lacked affection.  Life dealt me some hard lessons starting at a young age.  Unfortunately, I had remained hardened by the things I had no control over.  I had internalized all of the blame for all of the life experiences that were set before me to make me stronger.  It took me a long time to truly get it all.  God was shaping and molding me to be greater.  For a while I thought He hated me.  I felt so responsible for so many bad things I had endured.  Some of the things I hadn't even told my own mother out of fear and sheer disgust in myself.  

So when it was time for a decision to be made on what would happen with your life moving forward I made the only decision I could, I kept you.  Mommy wanted both Marsha and I to raise you together but things don't always work out the way you plan for them to.  The 3 of us were hurting so much and it was tough.  It still saddens me to think of how life can break a person down.  I thank God for being built back up, even if it took longer than I would have liked.  I only wish I had learned all that I know now sooner so that we could have grown through it together.  I pray that you are able to heal sooner than I was.  You deserve everything your heart desires and more.  Mommy didn't want to leave us.  God takes who He is ready to take.  She's watching over us I'm sure of it.  

Noah I want you to know that I understand some of your pain all too well.  So does Brandi.  So does your dad.  There are different levels to this whole loss thing.  You can talk to us.  You are supposed to love and miss your mom and sister.  Don't ever think that you shouldn't.  But don't allow the losses to harder your heart.  It's so not worth it.  Push through.  Pray through it.  God is going to get the glory out of your life.  Their lives were not in vain.  I didn't know your mother, never met her or your sister and although none of this is conventional I love you.  When you are older you ill fully understand everything, for now if I can answer any questions you have I will do so to the best of my ability.  

Forgiveness is the key to healing.  So forgive every chance you get.


I keep you all so close to me because I want to protect you from as much as possible.   Not that my parents didn't, they tried to protect me too, but they could only do so much.  

Just know that no matter what comes your way, you have to keep going.  Keep growing, keep getting stronger.  You can do it!  You were given each other for a reason.  Build each other up, help each other win and love like tomorrow isn't promised.  Your presence makes a difference in this world.  Know that!

We are not promised tomorrow so I'm working to leave traces of me throughout this world for you all to take a piece of whenever you may need it.  I don't know when my time will come so I'm working to be with you forever.


Love Always,

Mommy

Eddy3 & Reidan

aka
Patrice

Reidan

Reign

Reigan

Noah

Reginanna