"Oh I can't sit down...Got to keep a rolling like the rolling of the sun. Today I am happy and free. Nothing in the world is troubling me. Oh I'm on my way." (I just heard Ernestine Shepard, a 77 year old bodybuilder, sing this song during her early morning workout in a video. She is an inspiration in and of herself. Look her up.)
You babies know that I love you all. I really do. Even if I didn't birth you (Brandi, Eddy & Noah) I still love you as the lights of the world that you are. WE've all come a very long way.
I now know what I can do and I want to make sure you know what you can do too! You all should use the light that is within you to bless others and share some of your shine with them. Be blessings to everyone you come into contact with. Even if it's just that you smile at them. Make sure everyone feels your beautiful spirit just from standing in your presence. Help all you can and if you aren't appreciated learn form the experience but don't let that harden your heart. Age ain't nothing but a number. You can start today. Be happy. You woke up today. The sun is probably shining, the birds are chirping, you have air to breathe, you can do whatever it is that you'd like to do.
Go after your dreams. Push through all of your fears and watch how you become blessed just from being yourself and standing tall within that. You do what makes you happy. Wear what you are comfortable in even if no one else likes it. You look at YOU in the mirror not your haters, not anyone but you. Make sure that you too see the God within yourselves. Respect yourselves and each other and everyone around you. You are all capable of so much and God willing I will be around to witness it all. I listen to you talk about your hopes and dreams and I try to encourage you to attain and pass them all. You can do it, you better know that already. If God showed it to you then it's for you!
You kids can sing, you can rap, you can dance, you are athletic, you are funny, intelligent, beautiful and all of these things and more come without much effort at all. Because you were born with these amazing natural abilities but you better know you were born with them for good reasons. God gives us just what we need to succeed in life. Everything you need is well within you. Take those passions that burn inside of you and let them free, walk in your own light babies. You deserve nothing but greatness. So don't be afraid to achieve all you dream of and more.
If nothing else I pray that I am equipping you with every mental push you need, every moral compass you should have and all of the encouragement you can take. I may not always have the best delivery methods, and I still get frustrated when I'm trying to help you all achieve something you said you wanted, before you realized the amount of work it would take. However, I love y'all so I am just working to make sure my mistakes don't become any of yours.
Just so we are clear I am not saying any of you were mistakes. Me meeting you father and falling in love with him was no mistake either. God knows exactly what HE is doing. WE just didn't know what we were doing. When you start dating (in college as virgins) please always keep in the forefront of your minds that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't allow anyone to make you feel different. You were created for a purpose, no matter the circumstances and you are deeply loved by many especially me.
Brandi is gone to San Diego with Aunt Therese this week, Eddy 3 went back home last week, Noah will be in Chicago for 2 more weeks. Oh Auntie Nicole will be in Chicago for about 3 more weeks, maybe more. It's just daddy, mommy and the 4 R's right now. I have caught myself looking around at the 6 of us together ad I have to say even though it's more quiet, there are a few less fights lol, I miss you guys. I really do. I don't like to bother you when you're gone so I have tried my best not to. But I miss you. I pray that you are safe in your absence, you make it back to us safe and that we carryon without any issues. I want nothing more than to see each and every one of you use your God given abilities to surprise and gift the world.
I'm over here working on breaking generational curses. What that means is I'm working to make sure that you all don't repeat the bad habits of your parents by teaching you the things that we didn't know when they could have benefitted us tremendously to have had more knowledge. So my long talks to you all are meant teach you, to equip you for your futures and sometimes scare you straight.
Please know that everything I am doing right now, and everything I have done in the past, has been and is for you all. I've come too far to turn back now. I wish I had started sooner and since I didn't, I want to make sure that the same things that were holding me back aren't also standing in your way. So stand tall and be proud in ALL of who you are, ADHD, tall, brown, short hair, long hair, hearing loss, big eyes, little eye, whatever you are, you are for good reasons. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. Don't allow anyone to make you feel bad about who you are. There ain't no one like you, only one YOU! Be proud of that. You are beautifully, fearfully and wonderfully made.
I know all too well what it is like to lack confidence in yourself and as a result watch your dreams pass you by. It took me years to accept me for me, to really know what love is and love myself completely. I love myself and I don't make any apologies to anyone for being who I am today. So what if they don't like it. I don't care if they don't accept me. It doesn't matter if they talk about me. Internalize this; if they aren't helping you be a better person, helping you pay your bills, or helping you help someone else; don't sweat that mess. There is a whole lot of evil in the world do whatever you can to stay away from it and all the negativity. Take the high road, keep your heads high, smile and enjoy your days because we know with certainty that they are all numbered.
I know all too well what it is like to lack confidence in yourself and as a result watch your dreams pass you by. It took me years to accept me for me, to really know what love is and love myself completely. I love myself and I don't make any apologies to anyone for being who I am today. So what if they don't like it. I don't care if they don't accept me. It doesn't matter if they talk about me. Internalize this; if they aren't helping you be a better person, helping you pay your bills, or helping you help someone else; don't sweat that mess. There is a whole lot of evil in the world do whatever you can to stay away from it and all the negativity. Take the high road, keep your heads high, smile and enjoy your days because we know with certainty that they are all numbered.
Love Always,
Mommy
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